Day 20. Exodus 10-12

Exodus 10-12

Exodus 10
¹And the LORD said unto Moses, Go in unto Pharaoh: for I have hardened his heart, and the heart of his servants, that I might shew these my signs before him:

This verse makes it clear that god wanted to send the plagues to Egypt. Whenever pharaoh thought about letting them go into the wilderness to worship, the OT god went and hardened pharaoh's heart. Oh, and pharaoh got f---ed again.

³And Moses and Aaron came in unto Pharaoh, and said unto him, Thus saith the LORD God of the Hebrews, How long wilt thou refuse to humble thyself before me? let my people go, that they may serve me.

Pharaoh is being accused of refusing to humble himself. Whenever he tries to, his heart gets hardened. Pharaoh is not the bad guy in this.

⁴Else, if thou refuse to let my people go, behold, to morrow will I bring the locusts into thy coast:

⁵And they shall cover the face of the earth, that one cannot be able to see the earth: and they shall eat the residue of that which is escaped, which remaineth unto you from the hail, and shall eat every tree which groweth for you out of the field:

⁶And they shall fill thy houses, and the houses of all thy servants, and the houses of all the Egyptians; which neither thy fathers, nor thy fathers' fathers have seen, since the day that they were upon the earth unto this day. And he turned himself, and went out from Pharaoh.

Plague #8, locusts. Locusts are short horned grasshoppers. They can travel great distances stripping fields and eating crops.

Apparently this plague didn't quite piss off the Egyptians as much as it was supposed to. The Midrash (which is a collection of stories that help explain events, but isn't necessarily divine in origin (like the bible)) says:

"Once the locusts came, the Egyptians rejoiced and said 'Let us gather them and fill our barrels with them.' Hakadosh Baruch Hu (A name of god, literally meaning: "The Holy One, Blessed be He") said 'Wicked people, with the plague that I have brought against you, are you going to rejoice?!' Immediately God brought upon them a western wind...and none were left. What does it mean that none were left? Even those that were pickled with salt and sitting in their pots and barrels were blown away...."

The Egyptians said, "AWESOME, look at all this food!" Which pissed of god, and took them away.

Pharaoh was angry, probably about the loss of all the delicious grasshoppers, so he called in Moses and Aaron.

⁸And Moses and Aaron were brought again unto Pharaoh: and he said unto them, Go, serve the LORD your God: but who are they that shall go?

⁹And Moses said, We will go with our young and with our old, with our sons and with our daughters, with our flocks and with our herds will we go; for we must hold a feast unto the LORD.

Moses again tells a lie to pharaoh.

¹⁰And he said unto them, Let the LORD be so with you, as I will let you go, and your little ones: look to it; for evil is before you.

It seems Moses had permission to go. Except he didn't. Also, the plague hasn't quite arrived yet, it just seems like it did.

After pharaoh refused, that's when Moses unleashed the locusts.

Pharaoh apologizes. (Now we get to the part with the Midrash).

¹⁹And the LORD turned a mighty strong west wind, which took away the locusts, and cast them into the Red sea; there remained not one locust in all the coasts of Egypt.

This was the wind that removed all the locusts, even the ones the people were trying to save.

²⁰But the LORD hardened Pharaoh's heart, so that he would not let the children of Israel go.

Of course he did.

²¹And the LORD said unto Moses, Stretch out thine hand toward heaven, that there may be darkness over the land of Egypt, even darkness which may be felt.

²²And Moses stretched forth his hand toward heaven; and there was a thick darkness in all the land of Egypt three days:

Plague #9, Darkness.

²³They saw not one another, neither rose any from his place for three days: but all the children of Israel had light in their dwellings.

Goshen had light.

Pharaoh then allowed the people to go, but they had to leave their livestock behind.

Moses said, they had to take everything.

²⁷But the LORD hardened Pharaoh's heart, and he would not let them go.

Of course he did.

²⁸And Pharaoh said unto him, Get thee from me, take heed to thyself, see my face no more; for in that day thou seest my face thou shalt die.

²⁹And Moses said, Thou hast spoken well, I will see thy face again no more.

I like Yul Brynner in the Ten Commandments. He was also a good badass in Westworld.

Exodus 11

¹And the LORD said unto Moses, Yet will I bring one plague more upon Pharaoh, and upon Egypt; afterwards he will let you go hence: when he shall let you go, he shall surely thrust you out hence altogether.

And now, for one final plague. As though the previous ones weren't enough. They might have been if god didn't continually harden pharaoh's heart. Verse one says that pharaoh will be so angry that he'll say "don't just go out to the wilderness for a couple of days, NEVER COME BACK!"

²Speak now in the ears of the people, and let every man borrow of his neighbour, and every woman of her neighbour, jewels of silver and jewels of gold.

The Hebrews went around to all the Egyptians (that liked them, obviously not the taskmasters) and "borrowed" silver and gold.

The word borrow means that you are going to return it. If you "borrow" something without intending to return it, and you use the word "borrow" what you are doing is stealing. So, verse 2 should say, "and let ever man steal of his neighbour, jewels of silver and jewels of gold".

Moses knew the people weren't going back. The elders knew they weren't going back. Pharaoh probably sensed they weren't coming back.

⁴And Moses said, Thus saith the LORD, About midnight will I go out into the midst of Egypt:

⁵And all the firstborn in the land of Egypt shall die, from the first born of Pharaoh that sitteth upon his throne, even unto the firstborn of the maidservant that is behind the mill; and all the firstborn of beasts.

Plague # 10, death to the firstborn of Egypt.

⁷But against any of the children of Israel shall not a dog move his tongue, against man or beast: that ye may know how that the LORD doth put a difference between the Egyptians and Israel.

I wonder how this would affect the children of mixed marriages, like Ephraim and Manasseh?

¹⁰And Moses and Aaron did all these wonders before Pharaoh: and the LORD hardened Pharaoh's heart, so that he would not let the children of Israel go out of his land.

Chapter 11, is all about Moses and Aaron telling pharaoh about the coming plague. Did they say that in front of Moses himself? At the end of chapter 10, pharaoh promised Moses death if he saw him again. So was Moses in front of pharaoh?

Exodus 12

God talks to Moses...

³Speak ye unto all the congregation of Israel, saying, In the tenth day of this month they shall take to them every man a lamb, according to the house of their fathers, a lamb for an house:

⁴And if the household be too little for the lamb, let him and his neighbour next unto his house take it according to the number of the souls; every man according to his eating shall make your count for the lamb.

Get a lamb, if you don't have a lamb, share one with your neighbor.

Kill it, after a couple of days.

⁷And they shall take of the blood, and strike it on the two side posts and on the upper door post of the houses, wherein they shall eat it.

Put the blood on the door frame.

⁸And they shall eat the flesh in that night, roast with fire, and unleavened bread; and with bitter herbs they shall eat it.

Roast it, and eat it with unleavened bread and with bitter herbs.

¹⁰And ye shall let nothing of it remain until the morning; and that which remaineth of it until the morning ye shall burn with fire.

Eat the whole thing, if there's anything left, burn it.

¹¹And thus shall ye eat it; with your loins girded, your shoes on your feet, and your staff in your hand; and ye shall eat it in haste: it is the LORD's passover.

And that's the passover meal.

¹²For I will pass through the land of Egypt this night, and will smite all the firstborn in the land of Egypt, both man and beast; and against all the gods of Egypt I will execute judgment: I am the LORD.

¹³And the blood shall be to you for a token upon the houses where ye are: and when I see the blood, I will pass over you, and the plague shall not be upon you to destroy you, when I smite the land of Egypt.

If you have the blood on the door, your firstborn won't be killed.

¹⁴And this day shall be unto you for a memorial; and ye shall keep it a feast to the LORD throughout your generations; ye shall keep it a feast by an ordinance for ever.

Passover is on the 14th day of Nisan (which is in spring).

¹⁵Seven days shall ye eat unleavened bread; even the first day ye shall put away leaven out of your houses: for whosoever eateth leavened bread from the first day until the seventh day, that soul shall be cut off from Israel.

Leaven is yeast. God hates yeast. Why does god hate yeast? To find that answer you have to look at what yeast does. My friend Andy says:

Yeast eats sugar
burps carbon dioxide
and pisses alcohol

What part of that does god hate? The pissing and burping part. The burp could also be a fart. Yeast/leaven creates decay. CO2 and Alcohol are the resulting decay/byproducts of yeast eating sugar. God wanted his people to be clean, if you want to be clean, don't eat byproducts.

¹⁸In the first month, on the fourteenth day of the month at even, ye shall eat unleavened bread, until the one and twentieth day of the month at even.

From the 14th to the 20th day, no leaven. Unleavened bread isn't very tasty.

¹⁹Seven days shall there be no leaven found in your houses: for whosoever eateth that which is leavened, even that soul shall be cut off from the congregation of Israel, whether he be a stranger, or born in the land.

The leaven is known as chametz. It consists of five grains, Wheat, barley, emmer, rye, and oats. This also includes most alcoholic beverages. The people are to remove all their chametz, not eat it, or possess it. This is where spring cleaning comes from.

Moses then instructs the people to put the blood on the door.

²³For the LORD will pass through to smite the Egyptians; and when he seeth the blood upon the lintel, and on the two side posts, the LORD will pass over the door, and will not suffer the destroyer to come in unto your houses to smite you.

Pass through doesn't sound as good as Passover.

When your kids ask why...

²⁷That ye shall say, It is the sacrifice of the LORD's passover, who passed over the houses of the children of Israel in Egypt, when he smote the Egyptians, and delivered our houses. And the people bowed the head and worshipped.

Then the people went and did what they were told. Which is odd, because they never do that.

²⁹And it came to pass, that at midnight the LORD smote all the firstborn in the land of Egypt, from the firstborn of Pharaoh that sat on his throne unto the firstborn of the captive that was in the dungeon; and all the firstborn of cattle.

Everyone lost a firstborn.

³⁰And Pharaoh rose up in the night, he, and all his servants, and all the Egyptians; and there was a great cry in Egypt; for there was not a house where there was not one dead.

If you were a firstborn, you would have to be married and have a kid to make it so you didn't die.

³¹And he called for Moses and Aaron by night, and said, Rise up, and get you forth from among my people, both ye and the children of Israel; and go, serve the LORD, as ye have said.

So Pharaoh did see Moses again.

³³And the Egyptians were urgent upon the people, that they might send them out of the land in haste; for they said, We be all dead men.

Pharaoh finally had enough, he said "leave now".

³⁵And the children of Israel did according to the word of Moses; and they borrowed of the Egyptians jewels of silver, and jewels of gold, and raiment:

The people borrowed stuff from Egypt. Again, the borrowing lie. We'll be back in a week, and I have to look pretty for my god.

³⁶And the LORD gave the people favour in the sight of the Egyptians, so that they lent unto them such things as they required. And they spoiled the Egyptians.

Not spoiled like you do to a child, spoiled like after a war, where you don't leave anything of value behind.

³⁷And the children of Israel journeyed from Rameses to Succoth, about six hundred thousand on foot that were men, beside children.

³⁸And a mixed multitude went up also with them; and flocks, and herds, even very much cattle.

600,000 men. WHAT? Seventy people went into Egypt in 1766. (Joseph had a wife and two boys too). From 70, to 600,000 not counting children.

³⁹And they baked unleavened cakes of the dough which they brought forth out of Egypt, for it was not leavened; because they were thrust out of Egypt, and could not tarry, neither had they prepared for themselves any victual.

I call bullsh-t. Exodus 12:39 seems to say that the reason they don't eat leaven during passover is because the people didn't have time to let their bread rise. The passover chametz rule says that flour has to be cooked withing 18 minutes of coming into contact with water. If this verse was hidden someplace else in the bible, it may not be so difficult to accept, except that the people were told to get rid of all the leaven in their houses seven days before (Exodus 12:15) Now a whole 24 verses later, it's saying they can't have leaven because they were kicked out before they had time to let the bread rise.

There are two parts to the story. The seven days of no leaven because god didn't want them to eat leaven; and the we didn't have time to let the bread rise. Why didn't they start making the bread before they went around and "borrowed" all the jewels from Egypt?

⁴⁰Now the sojourning of the children of Israel, who dwelt in Egypt, was four hundred and thirty years.

We have another date for the timeline.

⁴²It is a night to be much observed unto the LORD for bringing them out from the land of Egypt: this is that night of the LORD to be observed of all the children of Israel in their generations.

From now on, you have to celebrate passover.

⁴⁸And when a stranger shall sojourn with thee, and will keep the passover to the LORD, let all his males be circumcised, and then let him come near and keep it; and he shall be as one that is born in the land: for no uncircumcised person shall eat thereof.

Only circumcised people can partake of the passover.

⁵¹And it came to pass the selfsame day, that the LORD did bring the children of Israel out of the land of Egypt by their armies.

The day of the slaughter of the firstborn was the day they left. Selfsame day is correct, because for the Hebrews, the day starts at evening and goes to the next evening.

Points to ponder:

1. First all these locust appear, and the people were like "horray". Then they wer all gone, and they were sad.

2. In 430 years, the Hebrews went from around 70, to having 600,000 people. Additionally, Jacob didn't have any more children, so that's one less person to propagate. Moses was the grandson of one of the seventy. How did these people multiply so fast?

3. Which leaven story do you believe? The story would make more sense if it's added later that; because they had to leave so quick, the bread wasn't allowed to rise. Except that the people already had no leaven in their houses. Something in the story is incorrect.

4. After the firstborn of Egypt were killed, (and one person died in EVERY house) the Hebrews went to the Egyptians to borrow their jewelry. Nobody had a chance to be buried yet, and the Hebrews are going door to door asking to borrow the jewels.