Day 6. Genesis 16-18

Genesis 16-18

Genesis 16

¹Now Sarai Abram's wife bare him no children: and she had an handmaid, an Egyptian, whose name was Hagar.

Kinky

²And Sarai said unto Abram, Behold now, the LORD hath restrained me from bearing: I pray thee, go in unto my maid; it may be that I may obtain children by her. And Abram hearkened to the voice of Sarai.

"Go in unto" means the same as "know"; also means "uncover nakedness".

⁴And he went in unto Hagar, and she conceived: and when she saw that she had conceived, her mistress was despised in her eyes.

Alright, here's the scenario. Sarai couldn't have kids, but she had a good friend who didn't have anything wrong with her. So, she "gave" her handmaiden to Abram so that he could have kids. In verse 3, Hagar became Abram's wife. Then Sarai got mad at Hagar because her husband married her, and she was able to have a kid instead of her.

⁵And Sarai said unto Abram, My wrong be upon thee: I have given my maid into thy bosom; and when she saw that she had conceived, I was despised in her eyes: the LORD judge between me and thee.

Sarai realized her mistake.

⁶But Abram said unto Sarai, Behold, thy maid is in thine hand; do to her as it pleaseth thee. And when Sarai dealt hardly with her, she fled from her face.

Abram, not wanting to pick favorites (remember, Sarai was a babe so much that the pharaoh of Egypt took her to be his wife) between his first and second wife, allowed Sarai to determine the fate of Hagar. (Not Hagar the Horrible).

Hagar winds up by a fountain in the wilderness, there she runs into an angel, who asks why she's there, and she said she was running away from Sarai. The angel tells her to return.

¹¹And the angel of the LORD said unto her, Behold, thou art with child and shalt bear a son, and shalt call his name Ishmael; because the LORD hath heard thy affliction.

¹²And he will be a wild man; his hand will be against every man, and every man's hand against him; and he shall dwell in the presence of all his brethren.

Ishmael, he is considered to be the ancestor of the northern Arab people. Funny, that makes the Arab's Hebrew... hahahhaaha.

¹⁵And Hagar bare Abram a son: and Abram called his son's name, which Hagar bare, Ishmael.

¹⁶And Abram was fourscore and six years old, when Hagar bare Ishmael to Abram.

Abram became a father at age 86. Wow, that's some potent spunk.

Genesis 17

¹And when Abram was ninety years old and nine, the LORD appeared to Abram, and said unto him, I am the Almighty God; walk before me, and be thou perfect.

God shows up on earth again. This may, or may not have been a vision.

⁴As for me, behold, my covenant is with thee, and thou shalt be a father of many nations.

God's covenant with Abram was that he would have children who would be innumerable. Oddly, if you think of modern Jews (their race, not religion) they can claim to trace their origins back to Abram. As an American mutt, I don't know where my lineage traces to. Other than Arabs and Jews, can any other race trace themselves back to a single person?

⁵Neither shall thy name any more be called Abram, but thy name shall be Abraham; for a father of many nations have I made thee.

And now, Abram becomes Abraham. God promises Abram (oops, Abraham) that his children, and everyone after them, will get the land that was promised (from the Nile to the Euphrates). All they have to do is...

¹⁰This is my covenant, which ye shall keep, between me and you and thy seed after thee; Every man child among you shall be circumcised.

¹¹And ye shall circumcise the flesh of your foreskin; and it shall be a token of the covenant betwixt me and you.

Religious Male Circumcision. The cutting off of the foreskin. FYI, the feast of the circumcision of christ takes place on January 1. People celebrate that. Really. They do.

¹²And he that is eight days old shall be circumcised among you, every man child in your generations, he that is born in the house, or bought with money of any stranger, which is not of thy seed.

At 8 days a boy is circumcised. Since Christmas is Dec. 25, he would have been cut on Jan 1.

¹⁴And the uncircumcised man child whose flesh of his foreskin is not circumcised, that soul shall be cut off from his people; he hath broken my covenant.

This is another example of a line that was probably added AFTER the actual event, since it makes no context in this. His people? That term hasn't been used yet to describe anyone's offspring. When Moses is writing the law in Lev. 7, 17, 20, and 23, along with Numbers "his people" a lot. Many of the time, it also has "cut off from" with it. It doesn't seem as though it belongs.

¹⁵And God said unto Abraham, As for Sarai thy wife, thou shalt not call her name Sarai, but Sarah shall her name be.

Sarai is now Sarah, and my spellchecker is happy.

¹⁶And I will bless her, and give thee a son also of her: yea, I will bless her, and she shall be a mother of nations; kings of people shall be of her.

I think this kind of upset Abraham.

¹⁷Then Abraham fell upon his face, and laughed, and said in his heart, Shall a child be born unto him that is an hundred years old? and shall Sarah, that is ninety years old, bear?

I'll assume Sarah was still hot. Also, how does the author know what someone "said in his heart". Oh, because it was god who wrote this, not Moses.

¹⁸And Abraham said unto God, O that Ishmael might live before thee!

Even though Abraham was 100, he was still a good father to his son Ishmael. He wished that Ishmael would be the one to be the father of his people.

¹⁹And God said, Sarah thy wife shall bear thee a son indeed; and thou shalt call his name Isaac: and I will establish my covenant with him for an everlasting covenant, and with his seed after him.

Isaac will be Abraham's son. Ishmael was Abram's son.

²⁰And as for Ishmael, I have heard thee: Behold, I have blessed him, and will make him fruitful, and will multiply him exceedingly; twelve princes shall he beget, and I will make him a great nation.

The Arab's are a pretty powerful nation.

²¹But my covenant will I establish with Isaac, which Sarah shall bear unto thee at this set time in the next year.

Here we see the skipping of the birthright. The birthright is the privilege that the firstborn gets. Usually most of the inheritance goes to the eldest, while the younger has to fend for themselves.

²³And Abraham took Ishmael his son, and all that were born in his house, and all that were bought with his money, every male among the men of Abraham's house; and circumcised the flesh of their foreskin in the selfsame day, as God had said unto him.

What would you think if a 99 year old came at you with a knife claiming god told him to cut the foreskin off your penis?

Ishmael was 13 when he got chopped.

Abraham: Son, come here.
Ishmael: What is it dad?
Abraham: I need to talk to you.
Ishmael: ok, on my way... hey, dad, what's with the knife???
Abraham: Son, god told me to cut the foreskin off of my penis, additionally, I am to cut it off yours and everyone else that works for me.
Ishmael: ok, if god said so

(wait, there's NO WAY any 13 year old would say that)

Ishmael: get away from me you crazy old bastard... arrrrrghhh MOM, dad's trying to cut off my dick... MOM

(meanwhile Sarah is like, cut off his whole penis! I hate that boy!)

Genesis 18

¹And the LORD appeared unto him in the plains of Mamre: and he sat in the tent door in the heat of the day;

God appeared to Abraham.

²And he lift up his eyes and looked, and, lo, three men stood by him: and when he saw them, he ran to meet them from the tent door, and bowed himself toward the ground,

Abraham was visited by three men.

⁴Let a little water, I pray you, be fetched, and wash your feet, and rest yourselves under the tree:

⁵And I will fetch a morsel of bread, and comfort ye your hearts; after that ye shall pass on: for therefore are ye come to your servant. And they said, So do, as thou hast said.

He offered them water, bread and some rest. He also got them some calf to eat, along with butter and milk.

⁹And they said unto him, Where is Sarah thy wife? And he said, Behold, in the tent.

Man, I wish we still talked like that. It sounds almost like a magician. Where is your wife? BEHOLD. Honey are you in the shower? BEHOLD, look at my nudity! Hey where is the beer? BEHOLD, it's in the fridge!

¹⁰And he said, I will certainly return unto thee according to the time of life; and, lo, Sarah thy wife shall have a son. And Sarah heard it in the tent door, which was behind him.

¹¹Now Abraham and Sarah were old and well stricken in age; and it ceased to be with Sarah after the manner of women.

They again told Abraham about Sarah having a boy. Sarah was old. There's some interesting phraseology there, "it ceased to be with Sarah after the manner of women". They are saying she reached menopause , she stopped having her period. Menopause means "end of monthly cycles" from the Greek pausis (cessation) and mensis (month).

Sarah laughed this off.

¹⁴Is any thing too hard for the LORD? At the time appointed I will return unto thee, according to the time of life, and Sarah shall have a son.

Is there anything too hard for the LORD?

¹⁵Then Sarah denied, saying, I laughed not; for she was afraid. And he said, Nay; but thou didst laugh.

God: you laughed
Sarah: no I didn't
God: yes you did

¹⁶And the men rose up from thence, and looked toward Sodom: and Abraham went with them to bring them on the way.

¹⁷And the LORD said, Shall I hide from Abraham that thing which I do;

God and the other two angels just stopped at Abraham's tents while they were on their way to go destroy Sodom. They dropped off some good news to Abraham and Sarah before they went to go slaughter the cities of the plain.

²⁰And the LORD said, Because the cry of Sodom and Gomorrah is great, and because their sin is very grievous;

²¹I will go down now, and see whether they have done altogether according to the cry of it, which is come unto me; and if not, I will know.

God wants to destroy Sodom. He REALLY wants to do it.

²³And Abraham drew near, and said, Wilt thou also destroy the righteous with the wicked?

²⁴Peradventure there be fifty righteous within the city: wilt thou also destroy and not spare the place for the fifty righteous that are therein?

Abraham starts to bargain with god.

²⁶And the LORD said, If I find in Sodom fifty righteous within the city, then I will spare all the place for their sakes.

God said if he can find 50 people, he won't kill them. He doesn't say men, he doesn't apply any special qualifies to the number of the righteous, he just says fifty righteous.

Abraham asks, well, what if there's only 45?

²⁸Peradventure there shall lack five of the fifty righteous: wilt thou destroy all the city for lack of five? And he said, If I find there forty and five, I will not destroy it.

Forty... thirty... twenty... ten.

³²And he said, Oh let not the LORD be angry, and I will speak yet but this once: Peradventure ten shall be found there. And he said, I will not destroy it for ten's sake.

Ten righteous. God said he wouldn't destroy Sodom if there were 10 righteous people found there.

What happened to all of Lot's former employees?

Things to ponder from today:

1. What would you think if your 99 year old father showed up with a knife and said he was going to cut part of your penis off?
2. If you offer your spouse/significant other/lover a romp with your friend, should you be surprised when they wind up having a good time?
3. Can you find 50, 45, 40, 30, 20, 10 righteous people in your town?
4. Wouldn't it be easier to kill the one person who led the town of Sodom to be evil back earlier, than to go and destroy the whole city now?